Today I spent most of the day at home taking care of a whole lotta life admin. I hadn’t spent that much time alone with my thoughts in as long as I can remember and something started to really sink in that I’ve realised I need to act on.
When something happens gradually over time, it’s so easy to not even notice it’s going on. Today I looked back to two years ago and realised that I used to do things because I enjoyed them and not with an ulterior motive. I’d make plans based on how me and my friend/boyfriend were feeling and what we fancied doing. My time was valued for what it was and plans were made to make memories, nothing else.
Times like that I’ve realised are rare now. In the back of my mind I’m constantly weighing up whether there’s going to be chance for a good shot or Instagram stories. When I look forward to things I picture the photos rather than actually having fun. And it’s only when I actually sit here and write it that I realise how sad that is, in every possible sense.
Instagram has totally consumed my life and is at the back of my mind every minute of every day. But at the same time It’s given me so many amazing things and has built me up as a person in ways I couldn’t have imagined. There’s never been a stronger love hate relationship.
I don’t see The London Blogger as a separate entity to my life or just as a job; I want to share every day with you l and I try and make it as real and honest as I can. But this then makes it so amazingly hard to find a balance and build a life outside of social media. I so want to be able to spend time with friends and family without having one eye on how many likes a post is getting and I want to give them a day off from being my insta slaves.
The point of writing this post is partly for the therapy of putting it out of my head and into writing and partly because as much as I appreciate social media for its positives (and there are many), I also believe it’s important to wind back the attitude we all have with social media. Living life just to create a ‘better’ and more ‘impressive’ one for others to envy is not a way to live. My boyfriend forever tells me I need to ‘be there’ when we’re together and I know that he only gets 50% of me most of the time.
I will always be ‘The London Blogger’ and continue to share my life in all its raw, scatty glory online with you, but I’m going to try and teach myself how to do it in a healthier way. Something that I think we all need to master to some extent. Not taking my phone out to dinner or leaving it in the bedroom in the evenings, for example.
I’m going start being conscious about how I use social media and how I am with it around other people. I’m also going to do things because I just want to do them, not because the colour theme works for my grid. I implore you to do the same! When we’re 80 we’re not going to look back about how good our Instagram feed looked, we’re going to look back on memories.. Let’s not waste our lives away for the sake of ‘the shot’.